those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They took my balls.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
