is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
