i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
