I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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