this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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