that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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