It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
