and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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