Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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