I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
