the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
