party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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