know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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