PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
