Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
