I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
