I want to make a zoo with you.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it's like heaven, but drunker
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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