Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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