i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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