apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
