The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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