I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
