Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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