he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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