I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
