Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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