so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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