You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
