I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
