Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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