By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
