As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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