Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the condom got lost in my hair
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
