Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
