my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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