At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
