I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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