my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This baby is an asshole
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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