Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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