We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
