I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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