Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
