Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
