I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
