Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
