Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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