Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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