Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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