can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
