I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
