i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize