I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
