"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
