i will never coherently bang her
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
