It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
