We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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