Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They have beer where we have blood.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
