she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
