i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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