Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
