I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
