you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
