butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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