No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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