what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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