No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
