spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize