im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
