remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
